You’ve Got Questions? Ask…
“Hey, Miss Becca!”
If you have a question, chances are others do too. Here is a place to ask anonymously and have your question answered by a team of neuro-affirming clinicians, led by Miss Becca. Submit your question below and check back for the reply.
*By submitting a question using the below form, you agree to have your question and the response anonymously posted on our column below. If your question is not selected for our column, you will receive the response via the email address you provided.
“Hey, Miss Becca!”
I have a question for you…
Ideas to ask about:
Friendship or relationship dynamics
Routines and following directions
Home or school stress
Parenting
Toileting, feeding, and other self-care areas
Building independence
Transitioning from school aged to young adult
How to talk to your child about their diagnosis
Advocacy and accommodations
Navigating the special education process
Read “Hey, Miss Becca” questions and responses below. Will your question be featured? If Miss Becca’s response is helpful, don’t forget to tell to your friends.
“Hey, Miss Becca!”
A Neurodiversity-Affirming Q & A column
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“My daughter has a friend (we will call her Betty) who is very possessive and it is causing challenges. My daughter (we will call her Kate) feels like she is trapped by Betty who is always announcing they are best friends and not accepting when Kate says she has plans with someone else. I always teach my children to be inclusive and I understand Kate's need for some space too. The tricky part is our families are very close friends and my husband and I are best friends with Betty's parents. Our friends have been struggling Betty as she has different needs. I don't want my Kate to be unkind but I want to help her also have her needs met while still preserving our friendship between the families. Do you have any advice?” - mom of middle schooler
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Danielle is a speech therapist and our social cognitive expert. See her resource “Mt. Relationship” for help with navigating a whole range of relationship scenarios.
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It sounds like Betty and Kate might just see their friendship a little differently right now. That’s really common for teens, especially when they’re still figuring out what different levels of friendship mean. I’d start by helping Kate feel empowered to decide what feels right for her. We can remind her that it’s okay to be “friendly” with someone without being “best friends.”
Betty may just need some clearer boundaries to understand where Kate stands. I’d suggest you talk with Kate privately first to hear what’s been feeling tricky for her. Then, help her come up with a few specific, realistic ideas she’s comfortable with—maybe even write them down together. For example, you could say, “We’ll still see Betty’s family on Sundays—what’s something you’d enjoy doing with her during that time?”
Sentence starters can make this easier for Kate, like “I like doing ___ with Betty” or “I feel uncomfortable when ___.” You can also use a visual like “Mt. Relationship” to help her see that friendships grow in stages—sometimes two people are just at different spots on the mountain.
When Kate’s ready to talk with Betty, encourage her to use “I statements” so it doesn’t feel like blame or rejection. Something like, “I like hanging out and playing Uno when our families are together, but I’m not ready to hang out one-on-one yet.” That helps her stay kind while still being clear about what she needs.
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